Monday, November 29, 2010

luteal phase defect

after realizing that my luteal phase on my last cycle was only 9 days and the cycle before that was 10 days, i was a bit concerned. i did some research on the subject and apparently it is difficult to conceive if your luteal phase is less than 12 days. i knew i had read that it could be an issue in what to expect before you're expecting, but i couldn't recall if it was a make or break kind of thing. turns out it is genuinely a make or break scenario. even if your egg is fertilized, it won't have sufficient time to implant if your luteal phase is so short.

one of the easiest ways to overcome this issue is to take extra vitamin b-6. it's best to take it with additional b-12 in a "b-complex" vitamin. so this weekend i purchased a bottle of b-complex 50, which contains 50mg of b-6 (amongst b-12 and other vitamins). i think it's best to start taking them when aunt flo starts, but i didn't know about b-6 until a few days ago, so i figure there's no harm in starting them now. if i don't see a change with 50mg, i can increase my dosage to 100mg.

so that is where the quest for a baby stands. i'm really glad i started charting when i did and perhaps by discovering my deficiency early, it can help us get pregnant sooner. i'm going to start checking my temperature again from december 1 - 15. o-day is supposed to be december 6th, but since i've started on b-6 it's possible that it will come early, in which case i need temps a few days before to establish a cover line.

we saw my niece addison this weekend and she is just the cutest. we got in the car and the second our doors closed i said "i want an addison!" hopefully the additional b-6 will be what we need to have baby enginerd next year!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

much better now

alright, well that's over. i had a good little "woe is me" cry this morning over the whole not being pregnant thing.

i have the most amazing husband though... no matter what is on my mind or what is bothering me, he's so good at cheering me up. he doesn't take the typical "oh honey, it'll all be okay" approach (which admittedly, sometimes i DO need) but instead says really funny things to make me laugh. then of course he reminds me that we have two hilarious little fur babies to dote on until we have a human baby. :-)

and there are some positives about not being pregnant yet. for one, i only have about 50 hours of personal time saved for maternity leave so far. i need around 200 hours total, not including what will naturally accrue and short-term disability. if i continue to work about 5 hours of overtime every week i can easily get there. but every month i'm not pregnant is less overtime i'll have to work when i am.

also every month that i'm not pregnant is another month towards another work raise and more financial stability. and another month of saving money. and another month of not changing dirty diapers.

plus i have 3 good months of cycles to work off of. i'm pretty confident in knowing when i'll ovulate now, and when to expect my period. i know that my cycles are 32 days, which i never knew before. so i don't really need to take temperatures or chart symptoms anymore. i'll put a big X on my calendar for the anticipated o-day, take a couple temperatures before and after to confirm that i did indeed ovulate, then let nature take it's course. i'd say i'm going to quit taking temps and such altogether, but i do need the reassurance that i'm ovulating and that can only come with checking my temps.

so i'm going to focus on the positive! i've never been one to dwell on negatives or be depressed about things, i'm the most obnoxiously optimistic person most of my friends have ever come across. i'm not going to give up my bright side mentality for a lack of patience in something going my way. in the words of scarlett o'hara:

after all... tomorrow is another day.

another month

another month has gone by and i'm not pregnant. there will be no christmas announcement, no summer baby. my luteal phase was only 9 days this month, down from 10 last month (i mistakenly calculated 12 days on my own last month, fertility friend has calculated otherwise). that's not a healthy number. that's the number of a potential deficiency.

i'm putting my books away, my bbt thermometer away, i don't have the energy to read into every temperature shift and cramp in my body. i get my hopes up and it doesn't happen. when i bought a pregnancy test yesterday my husband said i'm too invested and i said i just wanted to be prepared. i know it's only been 3 months of trying, but it's been 4 months since we decided to start trying in july. 123 days of having my brain consumed by all things baby.

now i'm tired of hearing people and their first month success stories. they just make me bitter and resentful. i've given up wine, i've given up caffeine, i've significantly lowered my sugar intake. it took us 6 months to get pregnant when we weren't trying 6 years ago, including a month where i was gone in iowa. and in that time i was partying, eating pizza everyday, and living off of no sleep because i was in college. now that i'm being responsible and careful and doing everything by the book, nothing is happening, not even an early chemical pregnancy.

go figure.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

new charting obsession

when i took my temperature this morning, it was 0.4 degrees higher than yesterday, and higher than any other post-o temperature i've recorded. i thought it was odd but also thought i'd read about it somewhere, so i looked it up. if my temperature stays a few tenths of a degree higher over the next few days, it could mean i'm having a triphasic pattern, which is consistent with implantation, or in happier terms, pregnancy. however, this also happens in very rare non-pregnancy cases. and actually, even in pregnant cases it's generally rare. i don't want to read into it too early, but i'll be crossing my fingers for more high temps.

so moral of the story, while i was googling triphasic information, i came across a website called fertilityfriend.com. i spent almost my entire lunch break filling in the charts! i have been recording everything in the "my days" app on my phone, and it's gone pretty well, but this website does a lot of calculating that the app doesn't do. i can decide if certain temperatures should be "discarded" like i drank 3 glasses of wine the night before, so that's why this temperature is high, it's invalid, or hubby turned the a/c down to 68, so i was freezing cold the night before. then based on the temps it detects ovulation, when your most fertile time was, how many days your follicular and luteal phases were, etc. i had my phone app and a google doc going to calculate this stuff. but turns out i can track it in one place! so these were my first 2 charts. i didn't start taking temps until right before o-time in september and i didn't do it at all during the first month.



i'm really excited to keep using this website (unless of course, i'm pregnant). i love me some calculations and graphs!

Monday, November 8, 2010

fibbing

the hardest thing about trying to conceive is having to lie to people. i'm not a good liar and i have always disliked people who lie, but in the past few months i've had to be that person and i hate it!

why? because hubs and i are so gung-ho on having our potential pregnancy be a surprise to our friends and family. we want people to be floored when we announce it. obviously we're hoping for a christmas announcement to our fam, but if that doesn't work we're thinking we'll throw one of our usual backyard bbq's and tell our close friends then (as opposed to them finding out on facebook or my blog). maybe go down to victoria the weekend before and tell my mom and steph in person.

a couple of people know we are trying. first of all, the 5 people who have the link to this website. selina and laura p, two of my pregnant / trying to be pregnant blog friends; laura, my sister; and crystal and nichole, two of my very closest friends. outside of that, our best couple friends jake and leslie know we're trying because hubs drunkenly started talking about BABY NAMES to them while we were all bbqing a few months ago, hilarious. and my best friends megan, keli, and liz know. oh, and my dad and stepmom.

anyways, that's it, about 10 people total know we're trying. which isn't a lot in my book, considering my immediate family clan (parents, siblings, their spouses, aunts, grandparents) is around 25 people. tack on my close cousins and you're up to 50. then you know, like 500 more facebook friends and 150 more blog friends. so yeah, i don't think 10 is bad. but it's really hard to keep it a secret because i have no filter when it comes to personal topics. possibly the only thing that makes it remotely easy is that we're still in the TRYING phases. i bet it's going to be a zillion times harder when we actually do come out pregnant. it's been hardest to keep this from my family, namely my sisters, brother, and mom. but i also know that if i tell them, they'll likely ask and pressure us all the time.

for instance, my niece was born about a week and a half ago and my mom had her video camera at the hospital. she points the camera AT MY UTERUS (i shit you not, like, half stomach, half personal area, at my uterus) and says "soooo is there a baby in there!?" i said "no, mom, not yet, give it a few years." then of course we get in the car to leave and hubs says "does your mom know we're trying!?" i assured him that i haven't told her. but wow, for someone who simply knows we're thinking about having kids at some point down the line, she is awfully presumptuous! love her to pieces and it really was funny of her, but that's the kind of stuff i'm afraid of, the pressure. i feel like i have enough going on at work and home and trying to get pregnant, that i don't want people asking me every other week if i've conceived yet. and ok, obviously if i start talking about baby stuff those of you who know reserve the right to say "is there a baby yet!?"

and then yesterday, i found myself lying to our friend ruthie. she asked if we were planning to have kids and i said yes, but not until i get my PE (professional engineering license). and just last week on facebook my friend janie made a remark about hubs and i having kiddos. again, i said something like haha thanks, but not for a couple of years!

i don't like lying to people, but then i think it'll be even better and shocking when we get pregnant. on the other hand, this could backfire and people might be think it was an accident. hmm, oh well!

so that's been weighing on my mind since yesterday. i'm a terrible liar because i always feel so guilty, but i don't want to feel more pressured, i want to be relaxed about trying to conceive. and hopefully it'll be worth it in the end, hopefully there is a little somethin somethin growing right now. who knows!?

Friday, November 5, 2010

victory

apparently all i had to do was rant about O-day for it to finally come. temperature spike this morning = victory!

now to patiently wait the next two weeks to see if we successfully conceived this month... crossing my fingers!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

cray-cray cycles

possibly my favorite thing about trying to conceive is the tracking cycles part. well, honestly i can think of one particular thing that i enjoy a bit more... but anywho! you don't need to hear about all that. the point is, i loved tracking until now. it is officially driving me crazy because there aren't any dang patterns!!

i do oddly enjoy taking my temperature, recording this data, recording that data, paying attention to my body like i never actually took the time to understand before. this would probably be considered a chore to some people, but i adore organization and planning so i'm all over it.

moral of the story though, my cycles are kind of bat shit. i've heard it takes a month or two for your hormones to figure themselves out and get back into a regime but on month 3 mine is as odd as ever.

month 1 - 32 days
16 day follicular phase
16 day luteal phase

month 2 - 31 days
19 day follicular phase
12 day luteal phase

month 3 - ??
22+ day follicular phase
?? luteal phase

i don't know that i trust the first month because that estimate is based on ovulation prediction kits, which i have come to not trust. i've never had a line that was as dark as the test line, which is frustrating. the second month i took my temperature and did the opk testing both. that time i didn't get a dark line any time near my actual O-day. i had a medium line the week prior, which doesn't make sense. if i trusted only the opk tests, i would seriously think i've never ovulated a day in the past 3 months, but my basal temps have told me otherwise.

now i'm in month 3 and solely depending on temperatures and other body symptoms. day 21 and no temperature increase. c'mon O-day! i'm ready for a baby! i also know that O-day can be late based on stress and i've had my fair share of stress at work lately. actually that's kind of an interesting point. apparently your period is never late, your O-day is late causing your period to be late. you are supposed to consistently have the same length luteal phase post-ovulation. so if mine was 12 days last month, it should be 12 days this month. meaning this month's cycle will end up being at least 34 days long on top of the 22 day follicular phase i'm still in... whoever said 28 was the average is surely lying. maybe if you're on birth control, but that's about it!

ok, end rant. i've been a little frustrated that O-day was supposed to be somewhere between october 28th and november 1st based on my previous cycles, but here we are november 4th without so much as a 0.1 degree temperature change, let alone 0.4-0.6. le sigh!