the hardest thing about trying to conceive is having to lie to people. i'm not a good liar and i have always disliked people who lie, but in the past few months i've had to be that person and i hate it!
why? because hubs and i are so gung-ho on having our potential pregnancy be a surprise to our friends and family. we want people to be floored when we announce it. obviously we're hoping for a christmas announcement to our fam, but if that doesn't work we're thinking we'll throw one of our usual backyard bbq's and tell our close friends then (as opposed to them finding out on facebook or my blog). maybe go down to victoria the weekend before and tell my mom and steph in person.
a couple of people know we are trying. first of all, the 5 people who have the link to this website. selina and laura p, two of my pregnant / trying to be pregnant blog friends; laura, my sister; and crystal and nichole, two of my very closest friends. outside of that, our best couple friends jake and leslie know we're trying because hubs drunkenly started talking about BABY NAMES to them while we were all bbqing a few months ago, hilarious. and my best friends megan, keli, and liz know. oh, and my dad and stepmom.
anyways, that's it, about 10 people total know we're trying. which isn't a lot in my book, considering my immediate family clan (parents, siblings, their spouses, aunts, grandparents) is around 25 people. tack on my close cousins and you're up to 50. then you know, like 500 more facebook friends and 150 more blog friends. so yeah, i don't think 10 is bad. but it's really hard to keep it a secret because i have no filter when it comes to personal topics. possibly the only thing that makes it remotely easy is that we're still in the TRYING phases. i bet it's going to be a zillion times harder when we actually do come out pregnant. it's been hardest to keep this from my family, namely my sisters, brother, and mom. but i also know that if i tell them, they'll likely ask and pressure us all the time.
for instance, my niece was born about a week and a half ago and my mom had her video camera at the hospital. she points the camera AT MY UTERUS (i shit you not, like, half stomach, half personal area, at my uterus) and says "soooo is there a baby in there!?" i said "no, mom, not yet, give it a few years." then of course we get in the car to leave and hubs says "does your mom know we're trying!?" i assured him that i haven't told her. but wow, for someone who simply knows we're thinking about having kids at some point down the line, she is awfully presumptuous! love her to pieces and it really was funny of her, but that's the kind of stuff i'm afraid of, the pressure. i feel like i have enough going on at work and home and trying to get pregnant, that i don't want people asking me every other week if i've conceived yet. and ok, obviously if i start talking about baby stuff those of you who know reserve the right to say "is there a baby yet!?"
and then yesterday, i found myself lying to our friend ruthie. she asked if we were planning to have kids and i said yes, but not until i get my PE (professional engineering license). and just last week on facebook my friend janie made a remark about hubs and i having kiddos. again, i said something like haha thanks, but not for a couple of years!
i don't like lying to people, but then i think it'll be even better and shocking when we get pregnant. on the other hand, this could backfire and people might be think it was an accident. hmm, oh well!
so that's been weighing on my mind since yesterday. i'm a terrible liar because i always feel so guilty, but i don't want to feel more pressured, i want to be relaxed about trying to conceive. and hopefully it'll be worth it in the end, hopefully there is a little somethin somethin growing right now. who knows!?