Thursday, January 27, 2011

consistent clomid

can we please talk about how wonderful it is to be expecting ovulation on day 16 and actually having it HAPPEN then!? i love how consistent clomid has been!

here is the latest overlay chart of my cycles:



look how much earlier the light green is spiking than in previous months, even moreso than last month.

only time will tell the outcome of this cycle, but for some reason i have a good feeling about this month. usually i'm just nervous and doubtful but this month feels different. i feel like things might be going in our favor now, everything just sort of came naturally this month. no (baby-related) stress, no abnormal days here or there, etc. if all else fails, i know that this month simply felt RIGHT.

Monday, January 24, 2011

ovulation pain

i always thought ovulation pain was a myth or something people exaggerated...

but today, on day 16, aka the day i ovulated last month, i have pain around my right ovary. sometimes sharp, sometimes dull depending on how i'm sitting or standing or walking.

i really feel great about the clomid. we'll have to see what comes of it, but it's a great feeling simply to know my body is working more correctly than it was before!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

freaked out

as i was on the bus heading home today and texting my friend nichole about beach vacations, a thought occurred to me.

when i get pregnant, the vacations stop. sure, we could probably afford a little trip before the baby would come, but after that it's kind of over. the money we save for trips will be spent on daycare. and diapers.

and it's not that this never occurred to me, i just accepted it for what it was because a baby would be worth it.

but then while i was cooking dinner and dexter was jumping on me { he's scared of anything sizzling in the skillet, he freaks out and jumps on me haha }, i thought about how difficult it would be to cook dinner while simultaneously putting dishes away, coaxing my dog, and possibly soothing a baby.

and i was talking to students about if i'm planning to stay at my firm forever. i said yes, or until we move to australia or the uk. which, okay, is admittedly a bit of a pipe dream. but it's a dream nonetheless. i research jobs in australia and europe all the time thinking about setting up a life there one day. when we have a baby, i don't think i'll ever be able to imagine it.

and what about the time i spend blogging? or watching tv? it's going to go away, isn't it?

i've had these thoughts separately, but all of a sudden i had them all in one day. and now i'm a bit freaked out. is it going to be worth it? will the utter exhaustion of being a mother be worth the lack of me and couples times in our lives?

i'm told it is. but sometimes thoughts like this make me think "well, i guess it's not TOO bad if we're not pregnant yet." is that wrong!?!?!? gah!

Monday, January 10, 2011

positives

more positives to not being pregnant:
  1. i can finally take claritin for my cedar fever! the past week and a half was miserable but i finally popped some on saturday and have been great ever since.
  2. i can drink wine again! much enjoyed at a wedding we attended this weekend. i was not a happy camper when i couldn't drink on new years.
  3. i can drink tea too! i'm kind of over this 2 weeks of no caffeine thing i've had to do. i'm trying not to drink too much of it when i'm not in the "2 week wait" so that i'm not putting my body into any sort of shock. but yeah, i have missed my morning hot tea when coming into work.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

good news / bad news

the bad news is i'm not pregnant. the dreaded red reared her ugly head this weekend.

the good news is that my luteal phase was 13 days this month!!! yaaaaay! clomid has officially regulated my cycle enough to sustain a pregnancy. now i have to actually, you know, get pregnant.

anyways, i had a slight meltdown after christmas and hubby and i talked things out. we realized we're not in any rush and there's no reason to get so worked up every month. i'm going to stay on clomid and we're going to hope that it's successful in helping us conceive. it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't, although we honestly think it's our best chance.

in the meantime, we have a lot going on at home. if i had gotten pregnant in say, august, we'd probably spend my christmas bonus on a crib or put it away for future daycare expenses. but since we're not, we get to have our dream wood floors installed! since we moved in almost a year ago we've been talking about replacing the carpet in our living room. we chose floors this weekend and are hoping to buy them and all the additional supplies at the end of the month. we're planning to install them the first weekend in february.

oh well, like i said, we're going to play it by ear. for now we are going to work on finishing up our home because science knows we're not going to have the time or money to do it after we have a baby! :-)