Tuesday, January 11, 2011

freaked out

as i was on the bus heading home today and texting my friend nichole about beach vacations, a thought occurred to me.

when i get pregnant, the vacations stop. sure, we could probably afford a little trip before the baby would come, but after that it's kind of over. the money we save for trips will be spent on daycare. and diapers.

and it's not that this never occurred to me, i just accepted it for what it was because a baby would be worth it.

but then while i was cooking dinner and dexter was jumping on me { he's scared of anything sizzling in the skillet, he freaks out and jumps on me haha }, i thought about how difficult it would be to cook dinner while simultaneously putting dishes away, coaxing my dog, and possibly soothing a baby.

and i was talking to students about if i'm planning to stay at my firm forever. i said yes, or until we move to australia or the uk. which, okay, is admittedly a bit of a pipe dream. but it's a dream nonetheless. i research jobs in australia and europe all the time thinking about setting up a life there one day. when we have a baby, i don't think i'll ever be able to imagine it.

and what about the time i spend blogging? or watching tv? it's going to go away, isn't it?

i've had these thoughts separately, but all of a sudden i had them all in one day. and now i'm a bit freaked out. is it going to be worth it? will the utter exhaustion of being a mother be worth the lack of me and couples times in our lives?

i'm told it is. but sometimes thoughts like this make me think "well, i guess it's not TOO bad if we're not pregnant yet." is that wrong!?!?!? gah!

1 comment:

  1. I only started blogging after my brother and sister-in-law started blogging about their baby! I thought, if my niece has a blog, I better get on it!!! So... you know... you'll probably be blogging more!