Friday, August 22, 2014

stupid appointment

last week i had a vision for my 39 week appointment today. we were going to schedule my induction for next week, i was going to show a ridiculous amount of progress thanks to evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea, and i was going to leave with a smile on my face.

then reality set in.

first of all, i have bronchitis. so getting induced on monday is off the table. there shall be no bringing baby into the world with a sick mama. not only do we not want him to get sick, but it'd royally stink to be trying to breathe through labor without being able to actually breathe. i started feeling crappy last friday and yesterday was probably the worst of it. hopefully it'll pass soon, but since we don't know when it will pass, my doc wasn't comfortable even putting me on the induction schedule for next week.

the second thing in the appointment was that we did the typical fundal measurement. i measured 36 weeks and apparently have been since 36 weeks. they ordered a sono for monday to check on alex's growth. he might be growing just fine and has dropped, even though i don't look like i've dropped at all. or it could be that he's very efficiently tucked away in there. or he could have just not grown much in the past 3 weeks due to placenta, fluid, or cord issues. they'll take a look on monday and figure out what to do from there.

i was 2cm and 70% effaced today. so i dilated a bit more, but no improvement on effacement. it's still a bit of progress, but i was hoping for more.

i've always preached that the best "birth plan" on the day you deliver is to not have a plan at all. you should just be open to your doctor's advice and your body's instincts, whether that means vaginal or c-section, epidural or no epidural, etc. but here i am eating my words! i hate not having a plan. i really enjoyed having a date set to deliver leila because it allowed us to get all of our ducks in a row and if she had come early, we were still prepared. this time i don't have that deadline and i'm just waiting.

i'm off for 12 weeks thanks to FMLA, and that 12 weeks started on august 8. everyday that i'm home by myself feels like one less day i'll be with alex later. i don't want to send him to daycare after only 8 or 9 weeks. i want at least 10 like i had with leilybug. :-(

sorry to have such a whiny post today. i was just really looking forward to knowing that by this time next week i would be holding my son. now i don't know if i will. maybe he'll come early on his own, maybe it'll be medically necessary to induce next week, maybe we'll want to hold off because i'm still sick. who knows. not me, that's for sure.

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